Life has really been smacking me around a lot. My job schedule's gone crazy, all of my friends are too busy to pay me any mind, and I think my body's trying to tell me to lay off the red meat...

I hope my life becomes stable soon, otherwise a lot of my projects will fall by the wayside, like my Let's Play I'm featuring on Youtube.

And the reason I'm 'lonely'? It's because my life is such a jumbled mess, I can't afford to really feel anything.

I am sorry.

I have never meant those words more than I do now. What I did this past week was inexcusable and immature of me. I had been hurt by your actions, but that doesn't justify what I did. Allow me to elaborate on why I went so nuts over you.

A Wednesday or so ago, you had cut things off with me, and I was devistated. After musing all night at work, I came back online, going to a personal ad website my 'brother' had given me. I posted an ad online, determined to move forward, when you came back and gave me a second chance. I was elated. I had then proceeded to make plans to meet you, which for your own reasons you decided to miss. I thought by waiting and contacting you with no mention of a relationship of any kind would prompt an explanation. When my message fell through and I discovered that you blocked me, I was infuriated.

Yes, I admit I am the one to blame for this entire mess. I was absolutely nuts over you, although I honestly did not want to rush things. I wanted to wait and meet you face to face, to take you out on an actual date before I called you my girlfriend. I wanted to make sure we had a solid foundation before we made any major life plans.

All the pictures I've posted, they were all in play. Just hopeful images spawned in my imagination. Yes, I took it too far. I went beyond your comfort zone, and I realize that now. I only wished that you would have told me so sooner. All I really wanted from you was honesty.

I want to have a mulligan on the 'second chance' you gave me, but this time, you contact me when you're ready. I'll wait as long as you wish. If you don't want to see me anymore, please let me know now. I want to know whether or not I should start moving ahead, or if there's still some little spark left.

I want one reply from you. Say whatever you want, even if it's just goodbye. I'll be waiting.

I am a pit of negativity at the moment. And we all have to thank. At the very least she could have been honest with me, but then again, no woman outside of my family has been. If I owe you artwork, note me and I'll get to it as soon as I can, but for now, I'm aiming to get closure.

Have a nice effin' day.

EDIT: I know it's not close yet, but whoever gets a screencap of my 5,000th pageview gets a nice little image of their OC with me. Just note me with the image and whatever you want your character to be doing.

I got a hard slap in the face by reality recently, and it's made me look at what I really need to do with my life. A couple of days into the aftermath, I shook off my despair and started moving forward again. I then received a note from this morning and it's done nothing but help elevate my mood. But I am going to branch out a little more. I feel like I made a mistake focusing on one brand of art. Slowly, but surely, I'm making a comeback!

It's as the old man in the church(Pokemon DS) says:
"The art of crafting things fatigues one's spirit. When the spirit is healed, the desire to make something returns. It is such a wondrous cycle."

Well I'm feeling really drained right now. Don't expect anything new for a while unless I meet with again. I'm done for a while...